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selfhelpsongs

by Will Walton

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1.
Plastic Houses 03:26
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Another dawn, another day Wake up and put that smile on your face The smile that says “I am fine” But when no one is looking you dry your eyes When did you last feel grounded? By masked people, you’re surrounded Lying to each other, day in, day out All trying to find what their life is about We’re living in plastic houses When did you last feel grounded? What’s it like to not care what others think? Losing hours, each time you blink We’re living in plastic houses Hours in bed and you still feel drowsy Apathy reigns, a normal day If feelings have colours then today I’m grey And I fall down to the ground Of my bedroom, hit the floor Every body part sore Same shit, new day This has happened before I’ve always been restless Buts its worse recently Home doesn’t feel like home And it’s hard to get to sleep Existential crisis at 3 am That’s gotta be a record Here we go again The cycle starts anew Mask on, smile wide Spend another day pretending that everything is fine But in your head you’re to trying to get the answer down To why under the mask your face is stuck in a frown Nothing’s quite as fulfilling as it was back in the day Stuck in a loop of longing for the old days again But you remember, you weren’t even that happy back then But it was probably the last time you confided in a friend Your thoughts are just that; thoughts, all internalised Locked away in your head for you to overanalyse We’re living in plastic houses Take a look at your surroundings What can you see through the lingering cloud Your thoughts are eaten up by an emotional drought We’re living in plastic houses Fire in your brain and you can't douse it Go to sleep, hoping it'll stop the pain Repeat the cycle, every single day Right here, right now, on this day Let the artifice we wear fade away See our true selves, it's reflected in the song Judge a book by it's cover, that's where you're going wrong Remove your masks I want to see your faces I want to you to show me what you hide when you fake it And in this moment, in this song We can all feel better when we stand as one Melt down those plastic houses Slam your fist, scream and shout it Brighten up your surroundings Burn the mask, I'm done hiding Wear your heart on your sleeve Unashamedly, I am what you see I'm messed up, but surprise surprise This is nothing new, so why should I lie?
2.
Even When You're Sinking 03:45
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This is for you, I’ll try to keep it brief When I’m hurting, you’re my pain relief You’re all I want to be, to me in my eyes And in my downfall, I want to apologise For when I get so absorbed with all my grief That I can’t handle yours, and I refuse to even speak You’re worth more than I give when days get dark When I lock myself away because I’ve lost the spark You’re my rock And even when you’re sinking I’ll hold onto you I’ll hold onto you You’re my rock And even when you’re sinking I’ll hold onto you I’ll hold onto you Can we be friends forever? Is that okay with you? Can we be each other’s guide? Is that okay with you? Can we be those motherfuckers, Who ride until they die? Is that okay with you? Is that okay with you? Can we stick together forever? Is that okay with you? Can you be my life raft? Is that okay with you? Can we face our problems head on, And bring ourselves to laugh? Is that okay with you? Is that okay with you? Because I know by now that I just can’t do this on my own We’ve been through the wringer, I won’t leave you all alone On those days where it feels like your head’s way out at sea I’ll help you find it, you can count on me But some days I’ll be distant, like I don’t care at all And I spend another day writing on the walls But you can be sure that when I break through The first thing I’ll do is come running to find you Cause you’re the one who holds me up every time I fall You, the one who I'd stay alive for And I don’t always make that clear in my darkest nights But you’re my everything, you’re my light (you're my light) Can we be friends forever? Is that okay with you? Can we be each other’s guide? Is that okay with you? Can we be those motherfuckers, Who ride until they die? Is that okay with you? Is that okay with you? Can we stick together forever? Is that okay with you? Can you be my life raft? Is that okay with you? Can we face our problems head on, And bring ourselves to laugh? Is that okay with you? Is that okay with you? ‘Cause you’re my rock You’re my small talk You’re my unstoppable force You’re my sun You’re my gun You’re my immovable object You’re my rock You’re my small talk The rational voice inside my head You’re my sun You’re my gun And I will love you til the day I drop dead You’re my rock And even when you’re sinking I’ll hold onto you I’ll hold onto you
3.
N.Y.D 03:23
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I awake blinking in the light of a new day That cold winter sun is here to stay Hand over my eyes, I turn away Away from the reset of the new year's day How do you all do it? Strive to change so much Try and try with little to no luck It's hard to find that drive As the decor comes down, It’s hard to find the drive as the cold surrounds I'm supposed to start afresh, a clean slate they say But alas, nothing changes, I still feel the same At least I didn't die, I'm a little older But at the same time I feel a little colder on New Year's day, New Year's day Sleep till the afternoon on new year's day A great start to the year, sleep your life away And then blame it on the drink or the party yesterday But I hardly drink, and I'm not the party type I don’t know enough people to be the party type Even better, start the new year with a lie At this point I’m not even gonna ask myself why I keep lying to myself, tell myself that I’m fine When I know that I’m not and I keep towing the line Of faking a smile to keep your mind and your questions at bay So I can run from my problems for just another day So I did the only thing, the only thing I knew It's the one and only thing that I knew how to do A paper pad, a pen, and these thoughts in my head Get them out on the page, they won't control me again I'll keep telling myself that, but I know the truth And the truth is that I just don't know what to do It's a song that I’ve written time and time again Never ending, never resting, can you help me friend? Locked in a battle with my fears, fallen from grace My mind’s a war zone, save me from this place This place in my head that is the worst of me And it’s the very last place that I would ever want to be But no matter what I try it won’t let me be free I’m looking out of the window and dark is all I can see I’m in a hall of mirrors and I can’t find the real me Warped perceptions in the dark is all I see Then I feel a hand grip mine and it begins to clear A solitary touch that destroys my fear A bolt of light from the dark, antidote to the pain A spark in my heart, sunlight through the rain I grip the hand tight and now it’s clear as day You don't define me and I know that sounds cliché But I was made to love and I was made to laugh Bet your bottom dollar that I'm gonna do just that So I won't give up yet, I have so much more to offer I’m not dead yet, put away the coffin My head, it can make me feel like this day after day But if it can create these feelings, it can send them away There'll be times where it lays into me and gives me hell But whether I like it or not, this is the hand I've been dealt I'm gonna play that hand to the best of my ability Because eventually I will win, and maybe I'll be free
4.
I Want to Scream 04:07
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I want to scream, need to scream about everything inside of me The darkness, the happiness, deep in me, all this pain, this agony But you’ll tell me I’m dramatic and that it’ll pass through But it keeps coming back so what should I do? Oh wise one? Knowing one, staring me in the face Back at me through the mirror, such a damn disgrace The smile on my face, that I constantly fake The smile that lies to everyone day after day Trying to look like everything's okay But it’s never okay, no way, not today There's something wrong with me and I can’t find a way to fix it I’m clawing at the walls, nails come way on the bricks and I’m trying to scream but my voice is gone it seems I have no mouth and I must scream I want to scream, need to scream From the bottom of this pit that I keep finding myself in Pull yourself together, what’s wrong with you? Everything is wrong and I need to break through Oh we’re doing this again; this ain’t the same song Where you write a way out and pretend that nothing’s wrong But everything is wrong and I don’t know what to do You plague my existence I can’t get rid of you I live without direction, you’re the reason that I’m faithless You colour me grey and you leave me feeling weightless It’s gives me time to think on many a bad day How an all-loving thing could make this big of a mistake Because if you really exist and I’m part of your plan Then you’re trying really hard to get me back, man Because I’ve yet to go a week without asking if it’s worth it Without feeling disenfranchised and worthless Get out of my head, don’t want to do this anymore I’m a broken record, I’ve heard this all before I’m about ready to knock on your door Because I’m tired of being kicked to floor Is there something wrong if I can never fix it? Like an open wound that’s getting infected Denial, denial, I won’t face what I’m feeling But I can recite the nuances of my bedroom ceiling And though you try to help, it never seems to work It nearly always end in you getting hurt But even in the face of that, you left me a rope ladder In the hopes that I’d come and find you when I was better But it was too much weight and the ladder broke in two But I’m gonna fight and make my way back to you In a moment of clarity from the cloud of self-doubt There’s no ladder, so I’ll grip these bricks and pull myself out Bloody knuckled, up this wall I climb I feel you try to pull me back, but not this time Pushing through the blockades in my brain I may be struggling but I’m gonna win this game Closer and closer to the light of day Closer and closer to a means of escape If only temporary, but god do I need this If I’m ever gonna get on track to defeating this

about

an EP about trying to get back to the surface.

credits

released April 1, 2018

Recorded at Leeds Conservatoire and The Defenestration Station
Produced by Will Walton
Engineered by Will Walton, Sylwia Oszust and Teal Hopkins
Mixed and mastered by Will Walton

Will Walton - Vocals, piano, keyboards, synthesisers, programming, drum machine

_musicians_
Dan Clifford-Smith - Drums
Alex Gaston - Guitar (On “Plastic Houses,” “Even When You’re Sinking” and “I Want to Scream”), bass guitar (on “N.Y.D”)
Abbie Naylor - Saxophone (On “N.Y.D”)

All music and lyrics written by Will Walton, except “Even When You’re Sinking,” lyrics written by Will Walton and Noah Landon

Artwork and design by Will Walton

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Will Walton Manchester, UK

non-binary neurodivergent sadgirl songwriter from manchester.

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